You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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