And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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