we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
