so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
