Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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