Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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