Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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