physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
is it fun? or sober?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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