This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
