Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
