Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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