i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
