we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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