I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
