I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
