What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
