We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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