We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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