Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
