i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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