Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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