On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
