A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
