I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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