She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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