dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
