i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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