OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
