I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
