I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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