Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
