Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
