Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
