I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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