I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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