Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
two words: eviction party
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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