My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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