Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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