I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
