every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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