He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
