so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
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so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
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I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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