I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
