I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
