you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
