I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
