Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
