Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
