Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
