and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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