By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
