This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
