i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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