I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
