Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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