some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
