I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
