Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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