"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
