AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
