So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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