Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
