You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
