as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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