Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
ugly people sure do ruin things
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
