Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
