you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
