I'd wear matching sweaters with you
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
