He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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