it hurts more in the daytime
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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