It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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