It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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