Someone shit on the floor
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
