i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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