I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
