Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
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