she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
