Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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