I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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