I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
