The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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