like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
