I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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