she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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